“they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage” (Jude 1:16, NKJV)
We are currently looking at the fruit of pride, and with the last teaching we spent a considerable amount of time looking at the eleventh fruit of pride, namely the pressing desire to please other people, as outlined in Eph. 6:6.
A manifestation that is related to this and that could perhaps even be considered a separate fruit if it wasn’t so closely linked to pride, is that of a “flattering mouth” (Prov. 26:28). It uses flattery in a manipulative manner that is very similar to people pleasing, even though the intention of the heart may be different. Most honey tongued words are spoken in an effort to please the person addressed, to overwhelm them with insincere and undeserved praise, with the express intent of gaining the favour of the one flattered.
Let us first distinguish between conscious flattery and sincere compliments. Flattery can be defined as exaggerated or untrue compliments with the goal of gaining someone’s favour, or getting something from them. Flattery has a selfish underpinning, and the one who flatters is in truth the only one benefitting from it. Compliments are sincere and spontaneous statements with the goal of acknowledging someone. In short: flattery benefits the flatterer, giving compliments benefits the one who is being complimented.
It might not from the outset seem as if flattery is a fruit of pride, but remember: for the flatterer the end justifies the means. Their pride has focused their attention on pleasing people, in the process tricking the person through their vanity or naivety that they’ll get their way. The pride lies in the fact that the flatterer uses this method of manipulation because he thinks he is superior to the one being duped. Through strategic flattery he/she wants to be one step ahead of you through their devious snares: “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” (Prov. 29:5).
Jude 1:16 thus names “pride” and “flattery” in the same breath: “they mouth great swelling words, flattering people to gain advantage.” But this flattery has a terrible result: “The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.” (Ps. 55:21). They bless with their mouth, but curse from their heart (Ps. 62:4).
Paul’s perspective on the fruit of pride is very strongly worded. In Rom. 16:18 he spells it out as follows: “For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.” [Do not misunderstand the term simple used here – it is translated elsewhere as “the innocent [or, unsuspecting]” (ALTNT), “those without guile” (LITV), “the unwary” (NJB).]
In one sentence Job (32:21-22) almost elevates flattery to a deadly sin in this disturbing statement: “Let me not, I pray, show partiality to anyone; nor let me flatter any man. For I do not know how to flatter, else my Maker would soon take me away.” What does this categorical statement mean? And this is the reason that someone like David, when he speaks of the following: “For there is no faithfulness in their mouth; their inward part is destruction; their throat is an open tomb; they flatter with their tongue.” (Ps. 5:6 & 9).
In another Psalm, David spells out the greater context in the following manner: “They speak idly everyone with his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak. May the Lord cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaks proud things, who have said, ‘With our tongue we will prevail; our lips are our own; who is lord over us?’” (Ps. 12:2-4).
Apart from the the double-minded man, of whom James says: “For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:7-8), it is, according to David, common for the flatterer to do more damage than one would expect, also hurting themselves in the process. This is so, especially perhaps because Prov. 26:28 (KJV) declares that “a flattering mouth worketh ruin”.
Even in fellowship amongst believers flattery in ministry can happen under the guise of encouragement, but actually it’s just a calculated strategy to sweep people up. In 1 Thess. 2:5 Paul makes it clear: “For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others …” Scripture warns against false teachers who use flattering language in ministry to mislead the sincere followers of Christ, and benefiting themselves (especially financially), by “corrupt[ing people] with flattery” (Dan. 11:32).
There are various good examples of flattery in Scripture. Firstly, the woman from Tekoa who tried to flatter David with her honeyed tongue: “Your maidservant said, ‘The word of my lord the king will now be comforting; for as the angel of God, so is my lord the king in discerning good and evil. And may the Lord your God be with you.’ Then the king answered and said to the woman, ‘Please do not hide from me anything that I ask you.’ And the woman said, ‘Please, let my lord the king speak.’ So the king said, ‘Is the hand of Joab with you in all this?’ And the woman answered and said, ‘As you live, my lord the king, no one can turn to the right hand or to the left from anything that my lord the king has spoken. For your servant Joab commanded me, and he put all these words in the mouth of your maidservant. To bring about this change of affairs your servant Joab has done this thing; but my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of the angel of God, to know everything that is in the earth.’” (2 Sam. 14:17-20).
Have a look at how Absalom uses flattery to gain the nation’s trust: “Now Absalom would rise early and stand beside the way to the gate. So it was, whenever anyone who had a lawsuit came to the king for a decision, that Absalom would call to him and say, ‘What city are you from?’ And he would say, ‘Your servant is from such and such a tribe of Israel.’ Then Absalom would say to him, ‘Look, your case is good and right; but there is no deputy of the king to hear you.’ Moreover Absalom would say, ‘Oh, that I were made judge in the land, and everyone who has any suit or cause would come to me; then I would give him justice.’ And so it was, whenever anyone came near to bow down to him, that he would put out his hand and take him and kiss him. In this manner Absalom acted toward all Israel who came to the king for judgment. So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” (2 Sam. 15:2-6). Also see the examples in Matt. 22:16; Mark.12:14; and Acts 12:22.
Flattery clearly manifests as a fruit of pride, with deadly consequences.
- Selah: Do you use flattering language?
- Read: 21-22; John 3-4; Ps. 135.
- Memorise: John 3:3-5.
- For a more in-depth understanding: Read Charles F. Stanley’s book The Landmines in the Path of the Believer: Avoiding the Hidden Dangers.
