“but from the beginning it was not so” (Matt. 19:8b, NKJV)
We are on a detour from our main theme, discussing an issue that has remained topical throughout the ages, perhaps because there are so many diverging opinions about it from within the faith community. The previous teaching was largely concerned with the mystery of one-ness in a marriage relationship, and thus had to also include the implications of sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
We extensively explained why the term soul ties is inaccurate, as that that is united in sexual intercourse is the body, and not the soul. There thus exists something one could rather refer to as body ties, and at the end of this teaching we’ll be providing more information on that. Intercourse outside the marriage covenant brings about this bodily integration between two parties. Therefore we categorically stated that, from a Biblical perspective, all sexual intercourse, even with a prostitute, necessarily implies that the people involved become one flesh.
The previous teaching concluded with an absolutely important matter. What Scripture refers to in Eph. 5:32 as the “mystery” of marriage, that Godly becoming-one of man and woman, is not only nestled in sexual interaction, as it is, according to Mark 10:9, ONLY God that works this unity, and is not going to automatically happen with any (sometimes random) act of passion. It is obviously also not the formal marriage contract as declared by the state, or the declaration of marriage during a wedding ceremony in a church or other. Most church or spiritual leaders however believer that this is not Biblical. I quote Daniel Louw who writes the following on the blog Glo die Bybel (Believe the Bible): “I think one needs to consider the sexual relationship as equivalent to a promise before God, between a man and a woman, to remain joined to one another for their entire lives, ‘till death do us part.’ If one looks at the matter in this way, there is truly NO reason why any couple need to have sex outside of marriage. If a couple has sex, and thus effectively make a promise to God to remain faithful to one another for life, then one might as well make this promise in public. One should under no circumstances consider this promise to God as one taken lightly.” (http://www.glodiebybel.co.za/index.php/geloofskwessies-m/76-huwelik-kat/56-die-bybel-oor-seks-voor-die-huwelik.html).
Our understanding of this matter is however not this simple at all. But what then would this Godly “becoming-one” imply?
In the teaching of Day 429-432 we wrote about this mystery in quite extensive terms – please read it again. The mystery to which Paul refers in Mal. 2:15 and Eph. 5:32 is that the two, man and woman, who were joined to one another before time, finally find one another and are then united to one flesh and one spirit, “one person”, as it originally was. God already pondered the irrevocable unity of a specific man and a specific woman before the foundation of the earth was laid. Not everyone with whom you have had sex is your husband/wife. The person with whom you appeared at the altar is not necessarily your husband/wife. From a Biblical perspective the woman taken from your side is “the wife of your youth … your companion, and your wife by covenant” (Mal. 2:14).
The revelatory section here is found in Mal. 2:15, in which God provides the historical context: “But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.” He made man and woman from one spirit, not separate spirits! Ponder this for a while – that which directs the physical and spiritual lives of these beings, originates from the same source, or breath, or spirit, rûach.
The concept “therefore take heed of your spirit”, that appears in this verse is important here. The word heed is the Hebrew word shâmar, which, according to BDB, has an extensive register of meanings, all centred around the idea of finding and preserving this wondrous God-given gift: “to keep, guard, observe, give heed, have charge of, keep watch and ward, protect, save life, watch, to watch for, wait for, observe, to keep, retain, treasure up (in memory), restrain, celebrate, keep (Sabbath or covenant or commands), perform (vow), preserve, protect, reserve, to be on one’s guard, take heed, take care, beware, to keep oneself, refrain, abstain, to be kept, be guarded, pay heed, to keep oneself from”. From this it is absolutely clear how seriously God considers the process of finding your husband/wife from before time, and how one should preserve oneself on all levels (also in terms of sex) until you and he/she have absolute certainty before God.
Malachi chapter 2’s extended explanation of this matter clearly points out that this decision of God about “one person” that carries “one spirit” is very important, also for the descendants that must come from the couple. This means that genealogies are directed through this, as through it all He was searching for “godly offspring”! He also attaches much greater value to this than believers themselves do, as He links this holy, eternal covenant with their covenant with Him! Verses 13 and 14 explain it as follows: “And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
Keeping in mind then the absolute perverseness and brokenness of this world’s traditions, practices, exposures, conditions, lack of knowledge and eventually also personal choice, one could understand why marriage as an institution has disappointed, failed, and in the process caused enormous brokenness across centuries – not only in those involved, but also in our descendants.
Mal. 2:16 (ERV) is often quoted by those who consider divorce in dogmatic terms, as a limiting and threatening Scripture, but in the above-mentioned light it concerns much more: “The LORD, the God of Israel, says, ‘I hate divorce, and I hate the cruel things that men do. So protect your spiritual unity’.” That this does not only point to divorce, as we today popularly consider, is absolutely so, and we clearly see this in Jesus’s conversation with the Pharisees in Matt.19:3-11: “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’ And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.’ His disciples said to Him, ‘If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But He said to them, ‘All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given.’”
Even the disciples cannot just accept the strictness of God’s perspective on this matter, therefore they say: If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry. Very few people are willing to sign up for this ordinance of God; most people’s lives have already dwindled on such wrong paths that they cannot see a righteous return; even the majority of believer’s lives are so perverted by circumstances and wrong choices that this perfect will of God could never really be a reality for their lives.
The fact that we can receive grace and forgiveness for our sins, transgressions and inequities through Jesus’s blood is a very consoling fact. In 1 Cor. 6:9b-11 (CENT) Paul spells it out: “Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” YET this does alas not mean that the destructive consequences of our earlier choices have not already directed our path to a great degree. Alas: “for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal. 6:7).
If Mal. 2:16 speaks of covering “one’s garment with violence,” it uses a metaphor that Asaph for instance also draws from in Ps. 73:6: “Therefore pride serves as their necklace; violence covers them like a garment.” If this is the case it also has particular consequences, as Ps. 109:18-19 makes clear: “As he clothed himself with cursing as with his garment, so let it enter his body like water, and like oil into his bones. Let it be to him like the garment which covers him, and for a belt with which he girds himself continually.” In our contemporary terms we would describe this violent metaphor as emotional violence, or sexual violence, or financial violence, manipulative violence, structural violence, slow violence, or verbal violence. Like divorce, God also hates violence of any nature. Selah. The types of violence found in marriage is often the necessary fruit of marital perversions.
The strict statements made by Jesus in the Scriptures quoted above make it clear that Jesus did not have a casual perspective on the concept of one flesh. If He for instance notes that everyone who divorces his wife for a reason outside of adultery, and then marries another, is also guilty of adultery; and that he who marries the divorced woman, is also guilty of adultery, are part of the other categorical statements Jesus makes that seem to us to border on the impossible, for instance Matt. 5:28: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In addition to this Paul presents us with all kinds of spiritual sexual etiquette in 1 Cor. 7 that renders this matter much more complex, and downright confusing. Yet it all contributes to a pressing consciousness of what the impact and extent of one flesh might be.
To conclude this short discussion: recent research points out that women carry the remnant of male chromosomes in their DNA. The Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center in the United States found: “that the possible sources of male michrochimerism included known pregnancies, miscarriages, vanished male twins, or sexual intercourse. This means that through intercourse alone there is a potential for women to hold onto male genes and DNA within their organs and blood stream for their entire life!” (http://www.amjmed.com/article/S0002-9343%2805%2900270-6/abstract and http://jenapincott.com/do-you-carry-the-dna-of-your-former-lovers/).
What Scripture has always argued is slowly also being revealed in the medical sciences.
- Selah: Discuss the issue of “one flesh” with someone.
- Read: 31-33
- Memorise: 32:8
