“I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.” (Rom. 7:18, MSG)
Self-acceptance means that I am acceptable to myself in all regards – how I look, how I am, what happens inside me, my past, my background, areas in which I lack, education, etc. There is no qualifying factor of good and evil, or right and wrong, that is linked to it – it is merely making peace with who, and where, I am at this point of my life. The perversities that might have disjointed your past is indeed a reality, and is often the reason why we are ashamed of certain aspects of ourselves.
Romano Guardini (cited in Walter Trobisch: Love Yourself: Self Acceptance and Depression) writes the following: “The act of self-acceptance is the root of all things. I must agree to be the person who I am. Agree to have the qualifications which I have. Agree to live within the limitations … The clarity and the courageousness of this acceptance is the foundation of all existence.”
The first step in creating self-acceptance is that you need to accept who and what you are before God, today. You need to accept that you are an incomplete and broken package. To make the conscious decision that your life has not been a mistake, that you have not failed, that you are not worth less than anyone else, regardless of the fact that you might have inadequacies or have made mistakes in your life. Make peace with yourself. You should be able to honestly say of yourself what Paul states in Rom. 7:18-19: “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” The Message makes it clear: “I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it.”
The second step is to repent before God that your image of yourself has largely been shaped by your parents, family members, your peer group, authority figures in your life, spiritual leaders, your loved ones, your husband or wife, colleagues, boss, etc. Their perception of you largely influences how you see yourself. Often a disjointed perspective of yourself is based on their lack of recognition, or criticism and negativity toward you. We are all desperate for positive feedback, and attach way too much value to it. Therefore we are often deeply hurt, bullied and humiliated by people we love and respect, because we’ve not made their “favour line”. This term is coined by Wayne Jacobsen in his book He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection: “It’s the invisible line that tells us whether or not we’ve met enough of someone’s expectations to merit approval.”
It is unfortunately true that most of us often feel like we don’t make the cut. Bring this state of failed expectations and disjointed fulfilment, brokenness and shame, before God. Repent of being dependent on people’s opinions and not on the Image of God. Repent of the fact that the image you constructed of yourself is a false image.
- Selah:
- Read: 111-118.
- Memorise: 111:10a.
- For a more in-depth understanding: Read one of the books mentioned in the text.