“Shut … on themselves in a hall of mirrors …” (Rom. 11:8, Message)
We are examining one of the most dangerous perversions in the lives of believers: narcissism.
The term narcissism interestingly enough originates in literature. In his classic epic poem The Metamorphosis, Ovid describes the unhappy love story of Narcissus and the nymph Echo. He was immensely proud of how exceptionally beautiful he was, to such an extent that he considered all other beings inferior, and thus found it very hard to love anyone. The goddess Nemesis, “a spirit of divine retribution against those who succumb to hubris”, saw his fixation with himself and enticed him to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the water, and fell madly in love with himself. He tried to kiss the image in the water, and drowned. In the place where the image in the water was a daffodil eventually grew.
Mark Kinet, in his article ‘Reflections in a golden I: An Introduction’ (found in Mark Kinet & Luc Moyson (eds.) Grootse patiënten, kleine therapeuten. Narcisme & Psycho-therapie) uses the myth as starting point for a very broad framework of the possible causes and characteristics of illusions of grandeur in people: “Apart from the sickly, obsessive self-love there are various other elements to consider. The role of the figure Liriope, as an excessively doting mother, Narcissus’ vanity, arrogance, contempt of others, autocentrism, grandiosity, lack of empathy, a poor body image, poor boundaries between the self and the object, the lack of lasting relationship ties, lack of substance in relationships, the inability to love. Locked into a palace of mirrors, or in a room of echoes, Narcissus finds himself in an all-encompassing state of loneliness and a downward spiral of psychic suffering.” (Translated from the Dutch.)
The term narcissism was first used in 1898 by Havelock Ellis, an English sexologist, who coined the term “narcissus-like” in referring to excessive masturbation, suggesting that the person thus becomes his own sex object. In 1899 Paul Näche used the term narcissism for the first time in a study about sexual perversions. In 1911 Otto Rank published the first psychoanalytical study on narcissism where it was discussed outside a sexual context, and linked it to the characteristics of vanity and self-admiration (Millon, T: Personality Disorders in Modern Life). The groundbreaking article on the topic was however published by Sigmund Freud in 1914, titled ‘On Narcissism: An Introduction’.
Social biologists and evolutionary psychologists argue that narcissism is a natural part of our being as self-love is an instinctive characteristic of natural selection. Their argument is that all children must be narcissists from birth in order to survive. Although they think that it changes with time as the child matures, they also contend that a steady measure of self-love will always be part of the individual’s being. It is only when narcissism in adults becomes so extreme that it may be diagnosed as pathological, the so-called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, that it is problematic (Buss, D.M.: Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind.)
Today Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a widely-used medical-psychological classification. There are broadly-speaking ten markers of this narcissistic personality type (compiled from Pamela Scudder’s ‘Narcissism and the Reluctant Spirit’, and supplemented from OF Kernberg’s Borderline Conditions and pathological Narcissism):
- they have a grandiose belief in the importance of self-elevation
- are preoccupied with fantasies of greatness, or un-paralleled success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love
- have an irrevocable belief in how special and unique they are, and that they can only be understood by, or be associated with, other special people, or people/institutions of high status
- require immense admiration from others; subtly manipulate people to ensure this
- have an unreasonable sense of entitlement, or absurd expectations of a certain level of attention, or of others automatically solving his/her pressing needs
- takes every possible opportunity to fulfil his/her own agenda and desires, or to get his/her way
- almost completely lacks empathy; is unwilling to notice the needs of others, to identify with others or with their views/emotions about issues
- are often very jealous of others and believes that others are jealous of them
- are generally-speaking arrogant, proud, and disapproving toward others
- is often so self-absorbed that they refer to themselves in plural terms, “the royal we”.
The core of this syndrome is the construction of a false self in an attempt to handle the realities of the outside world. At its core it is a self-defence mechanism to hide the individual’s pressing feelings of insecurity and lack of identity. Like the mythical Narcissus the narcissus is not in love with the true self, but on a projected, grandiose fantasy figure, perfect and superior.
The narcissist uses people – even so-called loved ones – as instruments to affirm this false self, and thus keep it alive. The narcissist is actually a hollow shell, and gets his identity through symbolic mirrors that amplify his image in the eyes of others. In psychology this is called mirroring – the narcissist uses other people as mirrors to feed his self-image. Akin to the way a vampire lives on the blood of others, the narcissist feeds on the love, acceptance, admiration and compliments received from others. He often fishes for these things in order to feed his own ego. When a person no longer fulfils these needs, the narcissist ends the relationship.
Apart from the psychological state it is obviously also true that the narcissist opens himself up for “the beast that was, and is not” (Rev. 17:11).
- Selah: How many of the characteristics listed above are found within yourself?
- Read: 2 Kings 14; 2 Chr. 25; Jonah 1-4.
- Memorise: 2 Chr. 25:8.
