BIBLICAL BRIEFS 151
The concept of narcissism comes from literature. In his classic poem, Metamorphoses, Ovid describes the sad love story of Narcissus and the nymph Echo. He was exceptionally proud of who he was and his attractiveness. The goddess Nemesis had seen his fixation with himself and lured him to a pool where he saw his own reflection in the water, and fell madly in love with himself. He tried to kiss the image in the water, and subsequently drowned. This symbolic story points out the roots of narcissism or possible causes of megalomania in people. Locked up in a palace of mirrors, or in an ego room, the narcissist actually fights against an all-encompassing loneliness and the abyss of psychological suffering that was brought about by his/her imaginary world. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder has ten markers: 1.They have a grandiose conviction of the importance of self; 2. is preoccupied with phantasies of greatness, or unmatched success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love; 3. Have an unshakeable belief that he/she is ultra-special, and could only be understood by, or should associate with, other extra-special people of high-status (or instances/institutions); 4. In dire need of great admiration from others; and (subtlety) manipulate to obtain it; 5. has an unreasonable claim on what he/she thinks he is entitled to (sense of entitlement) or has absurd expectations of particularly exceptional treatment or attention or automatic acceptance of his/her compelling needs; 6. is interpersonally exploitative, in other words, utilises every opportunity to fulfil his/her own agenda and needs to have his/her way; 7. nearly totally lacks empathy, is reluctant to identify the needs and distress of others, or to identify with them or their views/emotions on matters; 8. Is often very jealous of other people and also believes others are jealous of him/her; 9. is generally speaking arrogant, proud and disapproving of others; 10. are often so obsessive, that they refer to themselves in plurality, “the royal we”. At the core of this syndrome is the construction of a false self in an attempt to address the demands of the external world. In essence, it is a defence mechanism to hide the individual’s nagging feelings of uncertainty and their lack of identity. The narcissist uses people, even so called loved ones, as instruments to confirm and maintain this false self. The narcissist is hollow on the inside, and he/she acquires his/her identity through symbolic mirrors that reflect and amplify his/her reflection in the eyes of others. In psychology it is called mirroring – the narcissist uses other people as a mirror to feed his/her self-image on other people’s love, acceptance, admiration and compliments. He/she often lures them to feed his own ego. If the person does not do it anymore, there exists no reason to continue the relationship. The crisis that is brought about by this on spiritual level, is that even God becomes a construction of the self and is worshiped as such. That which starts with self-possession, selfishness, conceitedness and egocentrism can grow into a psychological state of narcissism, and it almost always leads to demonic possession. The biggest problem is that the person suffering from narcissism is almost totally unaware of it and is in denial thereof. A long-term relationship with a narcissist therefore always breaks down the other person’s self-esteem, or tries to make the person feel inferior. Children of narcissists face similar problems which they have to encounter. It is becoming clear that counselling and deliverance is mostly directed at victims of narcissistic relations than at the person who is having the actual problem. Shame is the invisible shadow of narcissism, especially if children do not meet parents’ expectations. The child is forced into a deep shame and then (subconsciously) makes a total over estimation of himself or herself as defence. This narcissistic facade is an attempt to overcome the depths of shame. Persistent wounding with regard to a child’s defect (e.g. a hare lip), inability (e.g. a child of an athletic parent who cannot run fast or the less gifted child of a gifted parent), gender (if parents preferred a different gender), physical attributes (e.g. a dark skin), habits (e.g. bed wetting), result in toxic shame. The child feels he is a mistake and should not have been. This is happening especially with regard to comparison with other children, siblings or otherwise, who is supposedly regarded to be “better” than the child. Children who feel they are unworthy to gain the parent’s love, (physical) affection and validation, can then only create an image of himself in his imagination that could meet the parents’ expectations. I found that narcissists often, like Nebuchadnezzar, somehow come to their senses when they face a huge crisis and the narcissist’s control or power or attribute is abruptly removed, or he/she is found or unmasked. This is usually the ideal opportunity to minister to him/her. The imaginary power field of the narcissist must be destroyed, and it happens when he/she comes to the realisation that all power is established by God and only resides in Him. Remember what Jesus said to Pilate: “You could have no power at all … unless it had been given you from above” (Joh. 19:11). The narcissist’s healing lies in Paul’s words in 1Cor. 4: 7 – “What do you have that you did not receive? Now if you then receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?”
Dr Tom Gouws
