“To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also.” (Luke 6:29a, NKJV)
In the previous teachings we examined the way the spirit of perversion works in the believer, and which leads to self-hatred, abhorrence of the self, and a lack of self-love. The important therapeutic process of self-acceptance and the restoration of love for the self was discussed.
One of the steps in the healing process specifically mentioned was the forgiving of the self. This in itself can also be a specific problem for the believer. If the spirit of perversion is at work within one, it is very easy to be self-righteous. In this case the wounding is so deep, especially if you consider yourself the victim, that you feel like you have the fullest right to never forgive. There are often very good reasons why someone who’s truly been wronged can argue why he/she cannot forgive the guilty party; alas t places that person in a position of self-righteousness. Even though your reasons for not forgiving may be indeed fair, they are not acceptable to God. In this context self-righteousness is the unfortunate result of someone who’s been hurt so badly by others that the wound has led to their right to be unforgiving. From a Biblical perspective this is the result of the spirit of perversion.
Jesus is one of the greatest examples of Someone who had been hurt, slandered, humiliated, insulted, unfairly judged, etc, but never did anything about it. At most He said, “It is as you say.” (Luke 23:3). In Matt. 27:12-14 we read: “And while He was being accused by the chief priests and elders, He answered nothing. Then Pilate said to Him, ‘Do You not hear how many things they testify against You?’ But He answered him not one word, so that the governor marveled greatly.”
Even on the cross, where He hanged while not being guilty (Matt. 27:24), He silently suffered immense torture and mockery, and prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34).
Isa. 53:7 extensively prophesies about this characteristic of God’s nature, this general attitude we see in Jesus: “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.” Early in Acts 8:32-33 we find the story of the Ethiopian head servant in which this specific testimony of Jesus in the Old Testament was already prophesied: ““He was led as a sheep to the slaughter; and as a lamb before its shearer is silent, so He opened not His mouth. In His humiliation His justice was taken away …” Later, in 1 Pet. 2:23, the apostle beautifully spells out Jesus’ selflessness: “who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously”.
It reminds us of David’s position in Ps. 38:13-15: “But I, like a deaf man, do not hear and I am like a mute who does not open his mouth. Thus I am like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth is no response. For in You, O Lord, I hope; You will hear, O Lord my God.” Jesus provided very practical guidelines for making this a reality in our lives: “To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either.” (Luke 6:29).
If you and I approach things we’ve done wrong in a different way, as Peter suggests, trying not to deal with it ourselves, in self-righteousness, but rather handing it over to “Him who judges righteously”, 1 Pet. 2:19-21 can take place: “For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps …”
The believer who himself received “grace for grace” (John 1:16) many times, is not allowed to be in a position of unforgiveness: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses..” (Matt. 6:14-15). Please selah about this – it covers anything someone might have done to you. Col. 3:13 spells it out in no uncertain terms: “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do”.
The inability to forgive is the most determining lack in your personal healing process.
Many believers understand the theory outlined above, but find that they carry with them an immovable mountain of bitterness, pain and grudging feelings that they just cannot let go of. Even if they are able to pray a prayer of forgiveness the terrible reality of an inability to forgive still weighs heavily on their conscience. What does one do in this case?
Firstly: you can do this therapy session under the guidance of the Spirit of God. Pray Acts 1:9 and ask for the strength to do this, and for the guidance of the Spirit (John 16:13a). Ask for “the gift of the grace of God” (Eph. 3:7). Ask for the grace of God for you and for everyone you are struggling to forgive (Rom. 5:15). Plead that you will not “receive the grace of God in vain” (2 Cor. 6:1). Proclaim that you will not reject the grace of God (Gal. 2:21), and that you will come to know “the grace of God in truth” (Col. 1: 6).
Secondly: create an opportunity where you can be alone and intimate with God. Have an image of the person that wronged you in your mind, and address him/her as you’ve always wanted to address him/her, as for instance: Mother/ uncle John/ Mr Robbins/ pastor Weideman/ Sister, or in the case of an unknown person: You who molested me/ You who drove drunk, etc (This includes people who have already died). Name each different issue, no holds barred. Be brutally honest. You will probably become very emotional, or upset, or angry, but this is all part of the process of getting rid of the poison – “Let tears run down like a river” (Lam. 2:18c). Do all of this out loud. Know that eventually “your sorrow will be turned into joy” (John 16:20).
Thirdly: tell them that although it is very hard for you to forgive them, you CHOOSE to do so, so that what they’ve done to you will no longer influence or control your life.
“Therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live …” (Deut. 30:19).
Everything from the Word that we’ve brought forward should move you to a point where you choose to forgive, even though it may be very hard, or even if you feel that the person who wronged you does not deserve to be forgiven. In this morning’s Beeld newspaper (9 November 2012) the mother of the brutally murdered Michael van Eck said, “I am ruined. Michael’s brutal death has made me bitter. I now need to decide if I am going to be a victim or if I will continue with my life”. This is also your decision today.
The most important principle here is that you do not forgive the wrongdoer so much for his sake, as for yours. The hate, pain and blame that feeds your unforgiving nature is much more toxic to you in the long run. It can even lead to all kinds of physical and psychological illnesses (as Henry Wright’s research in A More Excellent Way has clearly pointed out).
Fourthly: Forgive the persons for every single thing you blame them for. Go into detail about how they hurt or humiliated you, and how you feel about what has happened. Remember – this aquittal is based on the remarkable example Jesus set for us: “Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them … ” (2 Cor. 5:18-19). Experience the presence of the Holy Spirit acting as Facilitator during this process, and how He comforts you (Isa. 12:1).
The fifth step is to ask God to remove the root of bitterness – “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Heb. 12:15). Pray through this Scripture, and ask God to remove any disturbing thoughts that may have resurfaced through revisiting upsetting events. One of the root words of the Greek word “unrest” is to be harassed by a multitude. This brings about one being “not at ease, nor … quiet” (Job 3:26). The underlying emotional load of this is evident as David repents in Ps. 55:2 – “Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily.” Bring these emotional results of your trauma or experience before God, and allow Him to exchange these in the spirit with something else: “To console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness …”. Also ask God for Ps. 30:11: “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness …”.
The sixth step is to ask God to terminate any demonic working surrounding this matter, and to cleanse you of any impure spirits that feed on your inner wounds. Because such wounds have not been healed by the balm of the Holy Spirit, they often become incubators for demonic activity. After you have prayed for their removal, ask the Holy Spirit to seal you (2 Cor. 1:22; Eph. 1:13; 4:30).
Lastly – analogous to Zach 3:3-5, ask God to deal with you as with Joshua: “Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and was standing before the Angel. Then He answered and spoke to those who stood before Him, saying, ‘Take away the filthy garments from him.’ And to him He said, ‘See, I have removed your iniquity from you, and I will clothe you with rich robes.’ And I said, ‘Let them put a clean turban on his head.’ So they put a clean turban on his head, and they put the clothes on him. And the Angel of the Lord stood by.” Experience how being clothed with Christ (Gal. 3:27) takes place, as Ezek. 16:8-13 then also graphically spells out: “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God. “Then I washed you in water; yes, I thoroughly washed off your blood, and I anointed you with oil. I clothed you in embroidered cloth and gave you sandals of badger skin; I clothed you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists, and a chain on your neck. And I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head.”
Phil. 4:7 (Msg) is the conclusion of this process: “Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down …”
- Selah: Make sure that you have forgiven everyone.
- Read: Song of Songs 1-8; Prov. 1-6
- Memorise: Song of Songs 4:12
